Ramble about the Valleys

I walked for over an hour or so around the valleys up towards Blackwood with the intention to take some photos. This is the only one I took and its just more or less at the bottom of the road.

Why I Fell for You

You asked me what I first noticed about you
I told a lie, what I said wasnt true.
Believing for ages that it was your eyes,
sorry, that was a big full bag of lies.

I'm not that shallow, I try not to be,
look at it from my side and you'll see,
that it is impossible to ignore your breasts.
Seriously, birds could use your bras as spacious nests.

Over time my gaze crept north and I saw that smile,
for which now I would run to you, mile after mile.
Its a bonus now, I dont care for your figure,
I'd trade it all, for your laugh and snigger.

Your warm breath makes me melt,
this feeling about someone, I've not felt.
Never, not once before in my entire life,
I hope one day, you'll be my trouble and strife.

But for now I'll make do with your titties,
'Oi, hands off mate, they're mine', such pities.
Your peachy bum, soft skin, fragrant hair and pastel legs,
like a cup of tea, stay with you even through the icky dregs.

I would rather spend time next to you, lost in your eyes,
thats the truth now, no longer porky pies.
Than stare down at your heavenly clevage,
thats suffers from great heavage.

this is why i dont have many friends

drunk and a bit of a mess, not really a good sign for me, I was introduced to a friends girlfriend for the first time, I look at her and back at him, then back at her and tell her that 'you're punching a bit above her weight aren't you?'
The horror on both thier faces meant that I should of used my inside head voice.

How to wash a football teams kit

1. soak the kit in the bath in hot soapy water and use a broom handle to stir contents of bath around to allow cleaning agents to do their job, you can pretend you are a witch and you are stirring a cauldron.

2. after an hour or so of soaking in the bath, jump in - taking care in removing shoes and socks first to squish the kits about a bit, again if you get bored you can pretend your walking over quicksand or hot rocks. if you have no balance you can always use that trusty broom handle as a walking stick this time.













3. wash kit as normal and it comes out looking clean and smelling football kit fresh, let dry on a clotheshorse and repeat each week until the football season finishes.

My Lady Like Legs

Im fed up with my legs, no matter how much exercise I do, I cant seem to put any muscle on my legs, I've actually stopped wearing shorts as people joke at how thin and lady like my legs are.
So these are my legs please joke at how girly they are, join in and mock me about my matchstick legs, but in my defence they are strong runners legs.

And no, I'm not wearing stockings or tube socks, they are just my football socks pulled all the way up.

Swimming

Ive always wanted to get back into swimming, i enjoyed it really, but because of my arms, shoulders and chest I have issues about getting swimshort naked in front of people.
But my biggest issue was having to wear those tiny little swimming trunks at school, so small and tiny, that sometimes the old fella would be popping out of the top like a periscope.

Speaking without Thinking

Stood outside Revolutions in town, (not that I hang around outside clubs its just that it is next door to my favorite pub in town.) So I was on the phone to my friend asking where they are and what the plan is for the night, to describe what was going on in Revolutions I said that judging by the look of some of the people queuing up to enter, there must be some sort of Snog A Dog night on.
There was a bit of an awkward silence as the whole queue looked at me.
'What? you are all ugly though.'

Autumn Haikus

.GardenSolider.
On guard, rake in hand.
Eyes fixed on spotless garden,
wants to stay that way.

.BillyNoMates.
Leaf lonely in tree,
Breeze tickles it free.
Floats down to join friends.

.WalkersLeaf.
Leaf crisp under foot,
nose red from stiff morning air.
Autumn turning cold.

Bad Teacher

Its driving my wild
Come now, shes just a child.
Shut up you, shes no virgin
no girl over 13 is free of sin.
Shes the type of girl to know,
I bet shes male popular on Bebo.

Her skirt rides up high,
showing off that perfect thigh.
Tasty and inviting like a chicken drumstick
leaving me with sticky fingers, I just want to lick.

I tried to resist her with all my might,
I thought it was just a fancy dress night
I didnt know it was real ,until I took her class.
I feel bad now for checking out her ass.
You called me sir,
I made you purr (amongst other things).
My forehead sweats and goes red,
as i think about what you get up too behind that bikeshed.

Toast

The breakfast I love the most
is big fat buttery toast.
I love to tell my friends with a boast
thats I've just had some toast.

It makes me spring downstairs
in my jimmy jams and slippers,
I can smell it through my nosehairs
and the stench of my dads kippers.
Because...

The breakfast I love the most
is big fat buttery toast.
I love to tell my friends with a boast
thats I've just had some toast.

With jam, marmalade or even honey,
spread thinly, covered in marmite.
That for some reason thats funny,
some people find a delight.
Because..

The breakfast I love the most
is big fat buttery toast.
I love to tell my friends with a boast
thats I've just had some toast.

Scoff it down too quickly and splutter,
any bread as long as its toasted
and totally soggy with butter.
Toast, the food I love the mosted.

Children

One thing that annoys the hell out of me when it comes to children is breakfast time.
Being the independent little shits they are, children will tip half a box of cornflakes all over the table and hope that some will land in thier bowl, then they will get up go over to the fridge get the milk out and carry it back to the table, climb up onto their chair and while kneeling they will pour the milk across the table and thier bowl.
Leaving the empty milk bottle on the table they dig into thier breakfast, eating the few cornflakes that actually landed in the bowl, floating like soggy leafs the milk.
They get down from the table leaving their mess behind so when I go to make a cup of tea, there is no milk left, so I have to reuse the milk from thier bowl, leaving me with a cornflakey cup of tea.

Haikus

.AlcoBear.
Oh lazy bear there,
why do you not move that much?
'I'm sooooo hungover.'

.SexyPanda.
Panda bear sat there
giving me that brown eyed stare,
trying to pull me.

.RandyMonkey.
Look at that monkey
touch himself like a donkey.
Thats masturbation.

.AnAntsLife.
Investigating,
carrying out simple tasks,
is the life of ants.

.DesperatelySeeking.
Birdsong from the trees,
find a mate, try to please.
Ooops, thats a sparrow.

Dentist

During a check up at the dentists, I had an appointment with the dental nurse to give my mouth a clean - saves me a job i suppose.
So she got one of the dental picks and started scraping the gunk from between my teeth. My teeth are fairly clean anyway, but while she was scraping away at my teeth, she asked me if my gums usually bled when i brush them.
I said, 'No, not really, but then again i normally use a toothbrush and not a hook.'

boobs

As you can see i dont have much luck with women, i'm not very good around them, so when I finally get a girl interested in me, there is that male worry about what she looks like without bra on, I dont necessarily mean small boobs, but just odd ones, like fish eyes.
So when you finally unclasp the bra, quite quickly i'll have you know, there is that split second where it could go either way and sometimes its like.
'Awww, thats a shame, lets just pop them back in the bra, shall we.'

Another awkward moment in the Pub

'Oi, are you checking out my bird?!?'
Shouts a big chav thug, as he storms on over,
I look at him, then over his shoulder to his girlfriend.
'Pffft, no.' I reply, 'Shes well ugly.'

Knowledge

Society is hurtling towards a more technological advanced era, everyday there are discoveries made in all areas of science but as we look towards the future, there are still plenty of people looking back in the past and are worried about what might be lost.
So countries and governments across the world are spending billions in scanning and updating all our historic books, literature, artifacts and documents. These are then placed onto a hard drives and can be viewed through a computer or over the internet.
The risk here is that hard drives can be corrupted and lost so we lose all that information forever.
What should happen is, books should be imbedded with a seed, so if the book is damaged you can plant it and watch the book re-grow, so the information inside that is precious to mankind is never lost, which leads to less ignorance as this information continues to grow and flourish throughout mankind.

Space Debris

Each year the Earth collects about 200 tonnes of space debris, this is made up from satellites, asteroids, meteorites and all other space junk.

All the time the Earth is getting heavier and like fat people who put on extra weight, everything becomes a bit of a struggle, movement and even keeping up a decent walking pace compared to everyone else.

So while the Earth gets heavier and cant keep up with the rest of the solar system, with this extra weight will the Earth slump into a different orbit of the Sun? Would that mean hotter summers and colder winters? Will the Eart just fall out of Orbit all together and just keep falling until it hits the bottom, like a shot putt?

What am I looking for in a woman?

Im looking for a woman who can suck vaseline through a garden hose.

Lost Love Notes

When i was a teenager (a fair few years ago i know,) I recieved and wrote many lovenotes during my relationships with my very few girlfriends.
I loved getting these notes, it was better than recieving a birthday card full of money as they meant so much more to me, they were a nice suprise to find in the bottom of your shoe or coat pocket, or waking up and finding one waiting for you on your bedside cabinet. They were very personal and intimate brought us both closer together as you could write things you were scared to say.
Even if the relationship doesn't last, you will always have something to remember it by, something to look back on to remember who you were and a happier time.
For some reason teenagers when i ask them if they send lovenotes, have no idea what im talking about.
They dont write them, all they do is send short pointless text messages rather than write out whole funny gentle and meaningful personal letters which is for you and you only.
What happens to these text messages I hear you ask? They either lose the phone or embarrassed in front of thier friends that they have recieved a message full of love, they hastily delete the message without hesitation.
They just dont seem to put the effort in like me and my girlfriends did, no saucy polaroids or lipstick on letters, no familiar hangwriting that you follow lovingly with your eyes.
It's just dead cold standard text type - 'i fink ur wll sxy, nce tits'. where is the love in that?

Safe Sex Campaign

There are these adverts running at the moment where a group of teenage boys are taking about having sex and one of them the night before had sex with his girlfriend. The adverts then split two ways, one which is where he used a condom and they all respect and high five him, and the girlfriend and her friend has a giggle about it as it's all safe.
But the other ending to the advert is where he doesn't use a condom and his friends give him a hard time about it, calling him irresponsible for not taking precautions. Then it cuts to his girlfriend and her friend again and this time she has been made out to be the victim. but surely she has just as much responsibility as her boyfriend does when it comes to having sex?

Wolf

Wolf howling outside,
in pain. Howls again some more.
Tail trapped in the door.

Geek?

I’m not a geek, well not a big geek, I just like comics.
But for some reason certain women find the idea of a geek really hot, so i was with a woman and we were getting flirty, me in my batman t-shirt, I dunno what that’s doing to her it must be turning her on or something, she nearly slipped her seat, so I go, ‘do you want to come back to my place? I’ve got loads of superman novels’
‘mmmmmmm’ she goes,
I whisper in her ear, ‘and there all in issue order’ wham.
That’s it, shes dragging me home to mine!
‘ooo I’ve been naughty come spank my comics’

Dreaming Together

Wouldn’t it be weird if we could meet up in dreams?

‘Alright Dan how’s it going?’
‘I’m ok yourself?’
‘Yeah I’m not too bad, so who is dreaming about you tonight then?’
‘I’ll just have a look, hmm got about 10 hot women tonight wanting to do sexy things with me, I’m going to be stretched tonight.’
‘You absolute shit, I’m a bit player in one dream and yet you have got half the women in the county wanting you!’

Gwaelog-y-Garth

From Taffs Well you can already see how steep the climb is going to be, walking across the rusting bridge, the taff below is a groggy green shade looking like its in a constant hungover state.
Once the otherside of the Taff, you have to gear up a very steep worn footpath with benches at every turn, after struggling and sweating up that climb you enter Gwaelog-y-Garth.
Walking through the village, the school playground on the left is full, children running with untold amounts of energy.
Turning right and following the footpath up into the forest, the path climbs slowly up behind the houses, giving an oppurtunity to have a nose into people gardens and front rooms. Just as you enter the woods, the noise of the playground fades out and is replaced with an eeriy silence, the trees creek behind, like as if the preaditor is stalking you.
The whole forest is a monoculture failure, the trees are straight tall, blocking out all the light, slowly killing itself, looking into the distance the trees blur into what looks like a wooden panel fence.
Pockets of light flood the forest floor, forest fauna springs out of the ground, desperate for the light. Climbing over the hazardous rocky path cut out deep from the rainfall.
Once through the woods, you enter a thick grassed field full of sheep, making your way through this heavy field is hard going and at the top of the field you can look back down the field trying to locate the footpath that you just created is not to be found. It is satisfying to know that you've made no impact on the area, there are lambs sleeping under the trees, keeping out of the hot sun, the breeze here is cool but its still hot.
Climbing up towards the top of the garth, the footpath curls up, which has been replaced recenlty and looking at the state at the side of the hill, it looks like it needs constant maintance.
It is always tempting to stop and take a view now, I prefer to wait until I'm at the top.
There are two points to climb up onto the Garth, the first is the rocky outcrop with over looks Taffs Well, this rocky outcrop is very distinctive at the foot of the valley.
Sat on the rocks, drinking a refreshing cup of tea, the breeze here is stronger, so it is ideal for paragliders who lauch themselves off this hill hoping the thermals will carry them higher, the breeze picks up and I huddle down between the rocks using them as a windbreak, warmth from the rocks absorbed from the sun keep me comfortble.
Rested, I begin the climb to the very top of the Garth the footpath here look like the scales of a dragon, the symbol of Wales, walking up these scales of the sleeping beast, its spine continuing up the valley ridges.
At the top you look back down into Cardiff over the severn into England, the Millenium Centre in the Bay, shines like a polished copper kettle. Below me, trains rattle empty along the valley lines, once full and busy pulling coal to power the Empire, but now only shuttling to and from work.
Walking across the top towards the mount birds twitter and shoot out of the heather like missles, ready to defend their nests. Overhead birds of prey hover, looking down for their next meal adjusting thier bodies to deal with the strong changing breeze.
Standing at the top of the garth, the valleys are sprawled out below, the houses hug the valleyside like the contour lines on a map. From here you can see the old and the new, the old mines rusting away and far in the distance the wind farm crates a new form of energy rather than coal.
Walking back down the otherside of the garth, it leads down a steep, rocky footpath which is eroded away from the drowning rainfall, its a careful walk down which completes a loop back into Gwaelog-y-Garth.

I Prefer the Shade

I can't see the appeal of sitting in the park, tanning up in the strong summers sun, i'd rather lurk in the shades of the trees, resting up against one, like natures porch over looking the back garden.

Thunderstorm

Above the sky gets dark, sitting on the window ledge of my bedroom, feet resting tippi toed against the conservatory roof. I sip my tea and watch the weather change as the storm begins to build up, the tempertaure turns cold, as it creeps across like the draft through a leaky letterbox.

Lightening flashes behind the houses silluetting them like spectators at a firework display. The rain rattles in the distance and creeps across like a opening stage curtain at the start of the show, until every sound is drenched in the downpour.

It cools with the rain, goosepimples tickle up my arms, yet perched on my window ledge its still warm from the heat that the house has collected.

To the right of me Cardiff city centre fades into a pale orange flourencent milkshake glow.
The storm sets in, and now like a child in my mothers arms i watch nature show its fury from the safety of my bedroom.

Gulls fly in the cool air gliding, deaf to the crashing thunder as dogs bark scared.

Once mother nature has said her piece, she gently fades away moves over.

Cardiff is fresh and pure, ready to dirty itself once more.

Eroding Away

Wearing you down again,
my lighthouse, takes the strain.
In the distance many storms brew,
that light guiding me safely, is you.
Only so much you can take
you crack and fall, as the waves break.

Nothing to hold on to,
nothing to guide me.
I slip down & drown.

i found these funny

I tried going to the Paralympics but I couldn’t find a parking space anywhere near the place.

I was a ugly baby my mother only started getting morning sickness after I was born.

I went to a opera once, ill tell you want they don’t like it much when you join in.

Don’t let your mind wonder too far, it’s a little small to be out on its own.

Doctor to hospital patient, ‘ your coughing seems to be easier this morning, patient replies, it should be ive been up all night practicing.

What do you give a man who has everything? Antibiotics.

A single herring can produce over a million offspring, god knows how many the married ones can churn out.

I was doing some DIY so I got out my step ladder I don’t get on with my real ladder.

I wouldn’t say she’s fat but she does have to wear a g rope.

Shes got a million dollar figure unfortunately its all in loose change.

Best Place for a Date

The Answer is, the Supermarket.

Now, I know what your thinking, , how romantic is that, but hear me out, what does the supermarket offer you compared to say a meal? Cinema? Or whatever it is you do.
You learn so much more about them, on the trip around the supermarket what do you do?
You can see what their buying, you can study them, you can see if they are really picky over the weight of products, or whether they buy, veggie, organic, ready meals, as it shows if they can cook or not.
Or healthy eating products, they might have a problem with there weight or fuss over it, lets be honest that’s something you want to know straight away so you don’t keep putting your foot in it.
Finally to see if they are patient enough to stand in the queue, to tolerate the screaming kids about around the place.
You'll fins out a lot more about someone than you realise.

Slapped

Nearly got slapped on a night out, I asked these girls if they were out in fancy dress, - how was I suppose to know they were just ugly.

Drunk Girlfriends

Drunk girlfriends are absolute nightmares, they stagger home in a mood, then make some toast forget about it, then go to the bathroom, spend ages in there banging about, then are sick in the toilet, locked away, what can you do?. It’s the only time you say I love you, as that’s all you can do. It’s the only positive thing you can do in that situation.

The Cold Weather

I can’t have a door open it has to be closed, and I walk through the house making sure all the doors are closed. The reason I have to have the doors closed is because of drafts, I can feel drafts, I mean it if there is a draft anywhere in the house I can feel it. One arm hair stands on end and I have to find and stop that draft. Walking around the house opening and re-closing and locking all the doors and windows firmly, trying to track down this draft, it drives me nuts.
What also annoys me, is my size, you have to sort of sleep diagonally so you fit, so over the course of my life I’ve learnt how to sleep perfectly now sometimes my foot might fall out from the bottom of my bed and a draft will snake its way up my bed and up my leg and will entice me from my dream, to come find out where this draft is coming from.

Food Bill for a Zoo

How much is a zoo’s food bill? It’s just a random thought.
Grow it? How much land do they need to grow it? Like the zoo’s twice the size?
Or just stick it in the ground let it grow, then let the animals in. Just think how much food they need everyday, do they pop down to tesco to do the shop? Think of the club card points you could get from that, plus recycling the carrier bags as well.
You see them walking into the lion enclosure with this massive side of meat. Where do get all the meat from? They recycle the dead animals in the park? Is there a warden whose got a massive calendar, its got every animals birthday on, hmm, he’s getting a bit old. He just drives around with a gun in his lap driving through the buffalo section, spots one in the corner, coughing and shaking? Bang, dead that’s a bit of meat sorted.

Sooty

The Sooty and Sweep show, what was that about? That was about immigrants or asylum seekers who come to this country to work and a better life, you think I’m kidding? Lets look at the characters, Sooty – a slang name for black people, Sweep – the crazy foreigner who cant speak a word of English and Soo – the Asian.
In the show every week what happens? That’s right they are given a job and they mess it up and something happens to poor old Matthew (the welfare officer), who has the task of finding them jobs and housing, yet at the end of every episode its ok, all is forgiven and they are given another chance, just like the British asylum system.

Bar Ladies

The bar lady smiles, i think she likes me.
But how could that possibly be?
I stand there, in her eyes
I see that need for me.
It turns out all she wanted was my order.

spelling my name

i get asked a lot how to spell my name, i now just reply. 'With letters, like normal.'

No Pineapple

No pinapple! what a swizz, its like buying a feast ice-cream and not having the hard chocolate centre.

Did i take it back? No, did i add pineapple from a tin? No i had a full ham pizza

plum

Plum, floating down river,
say how did you get there?
Well its an interesting story you see,
I was out down town with my friend pear
drinking tequila with a shiver.
So drunk I fell out of my tree
and well, here I am

unicorn

I thought i saw a unicorn the other day, it turned out to be a horse being riden by a child who had dropped thier ice cream on the horses head.

man at piano

Man at piano,
writing a song about love.
Knows not what to write.

sharing the bed

I quite snuggling up, it doesn't happen very often, but there are a few things that annoy me about it. Firstly, women like to curl up close to you, which is fine, but they put thier heads in stupid places. The first is right against your ear, so you have their warm breath tickling your ear and slowly melts your ear wax, or they put thier head right under you, with the smallest breathing space in the world.
I'm not a very good sleeper, it takes me ages to nod off, bbc radio four or classic fm on in the backround to relax me so i can nod off. But for some reason at that moment where im about to nod off, their leg comes jutting across into me. This repeats itself all the time, so either stay over there and don’t kick me, or get in close and snuggle up before I try to fall asleep, damn you.

the perfect stranger

I wish i was you
as you walk through the park,
hand in hand with beautiful girls

I wish i was you
skipping, laughing, having a lark.
But at that point my life unfurls.

I wish i was you
ao i could keep it altogether,
rather than this emotional mess.

I wish i was you,
you perfect stranger,
than me, with my issues to address.

flying

Planes all the way up there,
your vapour trail strings along like the thread from a towel.
Like everyone onboard, a shellsuit is what you wear,
oh yes, they say, this is the only way to travel.

more haikus

.EmptyLife.
Busy man has no
time, for what he holds so dear.
Will end up lonely

.WetSummer.
Soggy damp with rain,
puddles forming, blocked are drains.
squelching shoes not nice.

.SinkingBelow.
Silent as a stone,
skimming along the water.
slowly sinking down.

.SummersDay.
Birds chirping in trees,
grass itching at my pink knees.
A quaint summers day.

.Storm.
Thunder overhead,
flash boom, the house does shudder.
Hard rain rattles roof.

.DriftWood.
Floating down river,
breeze makes my back a shiver
whoops I've lost an oar.

.WashAway.
Pebble on beach,
tides come, slowly wash away
all my fears and dreams.

.SelfHarm.
Hate rising inside.
Surface splits to release pain,
Blood flows like lava.

my whisper

I'll deny that I ever said any of this
I'm tired now as i kiss your head
as i roll back away
to the other side of the bed.

I turn off the light and yawn
your figure comes back into show
silhouetted in green,
from the alarm clock glow.

I just want to thank you,
to save you the embarrassment
I love you dearly
for this time together we've spent

As you sleep,
I tell you how i feel
not to your face,
that is my deal.

player

'A player, me?!' I Cry
'Well you are good looking'
'Hmmm, ok.' Is my hesistant reply
'I'm not just after a good fucking.'
'Thats lucky.' relief flows through my mind,
'So you're telling me I'm the best you could find?'
Amongst the throngs of youthful dance
Is this the start of our romance?


I guess not

the odd goodbye

What i find really frustrating and awkward is when you say good bye at train stations, what is there correct etiquette for it? any other situation you would, kiss, hug shake hangs and say bye, turn away and leave.
Whereas on trains, for some reason you go through the normal goodbye routine but for some reason you have to hang around and wait for the train to actually pull away from the station before the process is complete.
So you sit down on the train and wait for it leave, there is that awkward moment between you both as you dont really know what to do, then as the train pulls out you wave again.
So what i do now is if someone sees me off, ill just say bye get my book out and ignore them, or just drop their bag off say bye and not even bother walking them to the platform.

Self Hate

The problem with self harm is if you try and get help and tell friends, they ten just to shout at you for being silly.

Well, ok then if you're just going to shout at me, then i wont tell you next time it happens.

But now if i ever get a cut on my arm, i get asked if im harming again, no i just caught my arm on some brambles as i was walking. Are you sure? they reply, dont believe me then!

They're like homemade tattoos except they go deep into your soul.

Do birds have regional accents

across the country accents change and vary region and county to county, now does this apply to birds as well?

Ex Housemate

I moved into this house and i thought it was nice and for a month it was ok, then it started.

The freak housemate refused to let me put up a bird feeder over winter as they was afraid of catching bird flu, i fixed the lock in the bathroom which they then 'unfixed' as they was afraid of having an accident in the bathroom and being unable to be rescued.
They cried to me all the time talking about their parents and how much they hated them yet demanded money of them and still got £50 a month pocket money even though they are nearly 30.

When one room became free i tried to put everyone off by shaking my head when the Freak wasn't looking, one person did move in i told them give it a month and you'll see.

Sure enough one month later she was being driven up the walls. The Freaky one also believed they had everything wrong with themself, had a cupboard full of every sort of pill and even knew the doctors recepitionists name's off by heart by the sound of their voice on the phone.

They were even told by the doctors surgery to find another practice as they were fed up of wasting time treating the Freak.

My Stupid Name

I have had issues with my name my entire life, even now after a whole schooling of people mocking my name i still get it.
For some reason most people cannot pronouce my name correctly, i wouldnt mind if it was a hard name to pronouce, but it isnt. All people do is accentuate the first letter of my name so its not balanced. because of my name people tend to assume that im stupid or not that bright, this is one of the reasons that i have no confiedence in myself why should i try if people are already going to asume that im stupid.
When people meet me for the first time they dont believe that it is my real name, many a time i have had to get out my driving licence to prove that it is.
Even getting my passport or driving licence proved to be difficult with it coming back every time with what they assume is my name rather than believe what i have written down for them.
Im not bothered any more ive accepted it, registering for the doctors today, a random name came over the tannoy, not my name but i knew it was me. the doctor asked me how she should pronouce my name.
as ever i gave my defeatist reply

"anyway you like".

These are some Haiku poems that i have written

.Smokers.
Passive smoking why?
Clogs my lungs, going to die
not before you do.

.DangersOfBirds.
Bird sitting in tree,
why do you look down at me?
Watch out! eeew, bird poo.

.Jam.
Sitting in traffic
getting angry at stopped cars,
radio four on.

.EasyLife.
Leaf floating gently
down stream, no cares in the world,
out into the sea.

.TrophyWife.
Beautiful as sin,
you're a face I want to win,
pround of my trophy.

.BeautyFrowns.
Beauty holds no bounds
always gets rid of my frowns,
hold me close and tight.

.EarlySpring.
Frost shivering cold,
lazy daisy sleeps on
its not summer yet.

.Lampost.
Jack Frosts holiday,
all over town he strikes cold.
Tongue stuck to lamp post.

.GrizzleyBear.
Bear awakening
yawns, as his sleep is now over
salmon for breakfast.

.CountryLife.
Country fox, whats new?
'Nowt, harvests still completed,
they hunt me no more.'

.ThermalCares.
Bird spirals up high,
thermals ticking below,
no care in the world.