Friday, 30 January 2009

sigh, yet another lame haiku

Water boiled, poured
over Corn Flakes, milk floods cup.
Thats Breakfast ruined.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

the underground

Packed in again,
like a fat kids lunchbox.
Groin pressed up against
the small of another mans back.
Creating a meat sandwich.

some more haikus

Silently they fall,
snowflakes glide down. one goes 'Weeeeee'.
There is always one.

Drips erratically
like a broken shower head,
this rainstorm will pass.

Woman in glasses,
looking over top of specs.
Take me to bed now.

Amazon woman,
dominant, tall, sexy, strong.
Take me for Snoo Snoo.

Haribo eaten,
can smell colours, time changes.
This is my Taris.

Want to take you home,
Sexy body, Butterface.....?
Am i drunk enough?

Tuesday, 27 January 2009


I am a monk,
I am a monk,
who doesnt have sex.
I am a monk,
who doesnt have sex.
Im too drunk, to get it up.

haiku 107# (ish)

Bogie pulled from nose,
rolled between thumb and finger.
Looks like a cigar.

Monday, 26 January 2009


Elephants mating,
as I'm out on safari.
Am I a voyeur?

Long hot summers day,
asleep in car, feet poke out,
cooled by gentle breeze.

if i was rich

If I was a billionaire,
I'd be a football clubs
shirt sponsor.
It would just be my face.

Shipping Forecast

Again in bed, alone.
The shipping forecast
guides many to sleep.
Yet I cannot,
the husky voiced woman
has given me a hard on.


Standing over the loo,
no time to unbutton boxers,
just pull them down.
Realease that jet stream,
big splash back caused by
rising pant elastic.

haikus again

Under my bed
I hide once again
like a child.

Eyebrows, sit up high,
waggle like feet on hot coals.
Big as post-it notes.

Phone lurks deep in pocket,
vibrates hard against my groin.
Let it ring too long.

Roll of sticky tape,
makes many a disguises
wrapped over my face.

Friday, 23 January 2009

power out

like frost creeping across


Pull up and park, engine turned off.
Smell of fish and chips fill the car,
Interior light on to view my feast,
greasy fingers from battered sausage.
At my window, a cock pressed against.
Driving off, single male drivers in cars,
never visit again. Damn dogging site.

Thursday, 22 January 2009


Like a hand through hair,
wind ruffles through the branches.
Of this balding tree

drunken mistake

Greg knew what was coming,
he heard it a long way off.
Those clomping heels,
belonging to that fat chick
he nailed the other night.

view during my early morning run

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

sex shop on front page


Muddy lump in ground,
are you a Saxon spearhead?
Or just a small stone?

Rain pours hard, downwards.
Attacks the ground with a splat,
like a huge cowpat.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

my small enemy

My hidden mortal enemy,
clunks about, like a heavy doorkey.
Like a highly trained ninja
swinging on teatowels, near and far.
This annoying little toerag,
Eating away through the flour bag.
Nibbling away at crumbs,
added costs, working out the sums.
I can't face setting a trap,
put off by that spine breaking snap.
Damn you, a tiny mouse,
more at home than me, in my house.


Freshly laid tarmac.
Squishy underfoot, smelly,
like a warm cowpat.

Storm rages down hail,
bouncing off me, like bullets.
I am Superman

a matt the castle bagel

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

more haikus

Drizzle splutters down,
like fine sieved icing sugar,
covers thoroughly.

Hey, good looking. Mmmm
your ass is fine. Gah! Abort!
Friends younger sister!

Cold side of pillow.
Comforting to my warm skin,
like fresh underpants.

Rainfall dampens all,
soft comforting rhythmic sound.
My soul meditates.

That older woman,
bends over her desk, reveals
why she is a milf.

White rolls up on prey.
By suprise knocked in pocket,
potted that red ball.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

another haiku

Loo seat up or down?
It doesnt bother me much,
I pee in the bath.

Saturday, 3 January 2009

some more haikus

Pretty weather girl.
Brightens up my day, unlike
this crappy weather.

'What are you wearing?!?'
'Its just something I threw on.'
'What did you do? Miss?'