some haikus

.TheLast.
My milkshake straw sinks
our final conversation.
Hers left here,half drank.

.RunOn.
Please just walk away
left limping from our time here.
Once healed will run far.

loves over haiku

.LoversOver.
Sunbleached cardboard box
your things full sits in corner.
Our chapters fullstop.

some further haikus

.BathTime.
Fresh out of shower,
body smells of milky soap.
Talc me down baby!

.ThunderousRain.
Rainstorm drags its feet,
like super deluxe carwash.
Patience is the key.

.FunWithYou.
Pillow fight. Round two,
Knockout feather bursting shot.
These moments with you.

something geeky

I've been trying to work on something geeky and epic for ages and all I can come up with so far is this. -

I would be your Fry to your Leela.
Even get off the wwweb to meet her,
You're WonderWoman, Spiderman is me,
Just a perfect match of Marvel and DC.
I just want to say to your face....
Suck on my plus ten mace.

superman haiku

.NotBatman.
Female kyrptonite.
For you, I, Superman will
continue to fight.

kicking myself again

Still even now, running them through my head
all those simple moments when I could of said.
I still see that smile of yours in every woman
see, I was and probably still am its biggest fan
Slouched on the sofa, looking in my direction.
Said what I want to hear, waiting for a reaction,
your long legs, poking out the bottom of the bed
tall enough so there was not much tilt of my head
to look at you. Features so stunning and a delight,
I promised I would defend your honour in a fight.
An honest chap to those all around but not for me,
keeping myself blind, refusing, not wanting to see.
I miss your cooking my belly continues to mourn,
you were my morning chours each and every dawn.
Reach out my hand to touch you, pull it away again
like that old worn joke and run it through my mane.

That worn out joke, thats me.

Babe

I hate the phrase babe, who ever calls their boyfriend or girlfriend babe, I hate you. Why you ask? I'll tell you why, everytime your out in town and someone says, ‘You here babe?’ Every single person looks around thinking its them being called. Its just like that standard text message sound, everybody used to check their phone.
Why Babe? You're just referring your partner like you’ve referred to every past partner you’ve ever had, this person should be special to you and yet you call them what? The same phrase that you used before with your last partner, now these two partners are totally different if not why are you with someone else? did they leave you as they got fed up of being called Babe?
Use something that means something, everyone one of my friends has a shit nickname, I mean really shit, its just something between us two, more personal and much better than wailing babe.

Pool Playing Women

Why do women insist on playing pool, not snooker but pool? I dont play pool I cant play, so I always refuse to and go and ask behind the bar if they have any darts for the board, but I get nagged into playing by women. So I put my fifty pence down to play and not just for a sly peek down thier top as the cue up thier shot, but to shut them up and keep them happy. But as we've had a few drinks before we play and after telling the local guy who hangs around looking for someone to play against who states that it is, 'winner stays on,' to fuck off. The game starts and after about 5 minutes with no balls potted, for some reason every woman I've played pool with, starts to cheat and obviously right there infront of me, place the balls in the pocket and laugh as they do thinking its funny and ok to cheat and stand there with a huge grin on thier half drunk face. Damn them, maybe this is the real reason why I dont play pool.

Crusty Sue

You are always there my faithful,
the reason why I dont go out to pull.
You will never hurt or leave me
they dont understand, they dont see.
No matter where I go, you'll be by my side,
'it will never work,' they chorusly snide.

I love you Crusty Sue,
my guilty pleasure.
You fit perfectly, made to measure.

Once again, I come home alone,
in my pants, I'm hard as a bone.
Then you appear my faithful friend,
we both know how this will soon end.
For those many, many who may mock,
shes more to me than just a wank sock.

I love you Crusty Sue,
my guilty pleasure.
You fit perfectly, made to measure.

Laying next to you in my warm bed,
have you here, than a woman instead.
my head is spining, myself a tired mess,
waking up late, alarm blaring, time to dress.
Sock on my foot, uncrusts, becomes unstuck
yes, its the one full of my dry man muck.

I love you Crusty Sue,
my guilty pleasure.
You fit perfectly, made to measure.

There was that one awkward moment,
she had my house keys, a way into mine.
My 'then' girlfriend, walked in on me,
passed out drunk, pants folded on my knee.
You were on there, doing your magical thing
creased, crumpled on my ding-a-ling.

I love you Crusty Sue,
my guilty pleasure.
You fit perfectly, made to measure.

whats never said

I never told you, never said,
to hold you, like how you hold me.
Thats the way I want my life to be.
I just pushed you away instead.

That has been my biggest regret,
couldn't admit and let you see,
that you meant more to me
than my complete pokemon set.

I said it over again in my head
just wanting to hold you tight
I cant do it, with all my might.
you are that keeps me sane.

To me it is a very big event,
could have easily passed by
as a said whisper or sigh.
not create an awkward moment.

roleplay gone wrong

.NotWhatYourExpecting.
Roleplay, should be fun.
Handcuffed to bed, she enters
smiling, with strap-on.

Drunk Girlfriend

Drunk girlfriend, hanging off my arm,
Holding her up, keep safe from harm.
Slurring, screeching random speech in my ear.

You whine and shiver that: ''I'm soooo cold
I should've brought a coat like I was told',
I've tuned you out, I absently reply 'yes dear'.

shoes swinging in hand, staggering barefoot
up the street, soles of her feet black like soot.
Guiding her through lumps of broken glass.

'Dont want that, want chips' So we queue again
strength in my support of you begins to drain,
as you stop to hug strangers as they pass.

I close my fingers tight around your hand,
your far too messy and drunk to understand,
the importance of the green cross code.

Guide you safely back home to our comfy bed,
you can annoy me there safely instead,
as I slip off to sleep, still in autopilot mode.

Why I Fell for You

You asked me what I first noticed about you
I told a lie, what I said wasnt true.
Believing for ages that it was your eyes,
sorry, that was a big full bag of lies.

I'm not that shallow, I try not to be,
look at it from my side and you'll see,
that it is impossible to ignore your breasts.
Seriously, birds could use your bras as spacious nests.

Over time my gaze crept north and I saw that smile,
for which now I would run to you, mile after mile.
Its a bonus now, I dont care for your figure,
I'd trade it all, for your laugh and snigger.

Your warm breath makes me melt,
this feeling about someone, I've not felt.
Never, not once before in my entire life,
I hope one day, you'll be my trouble and strife.

But for now I'll make do with your titties,
'Oi, hands off mate, they're mine', such pities.
Your peachy bum, soft skin, fragrant hair and pastel legs,
like a cup of tea, stay with you even through the icky dregs.

I would rather spend time next to you, lost in your eyes,
thats the truth now, no longer porky pies.
Than stare down at your heavenly clevage,
thats suffers from great heavage.

boobs

As you can see i dont have much luck with women, i'm not very good around them, so when I finally get a girl interested in me, there is that male worry about what she looks like without bra on, I dont necessarily mean small boobs, but just odd ones, like fish eyes.
So when you finally unclasp the bra, quite quickly i'll have you know, there is that split second where it could go either way and sometimes its like.
'Awww, thats a shame, lets just pop them back in the bra, shall we.'

What am I looking for in a woman?

Im looking for a woman who can suck vaseline through a garden hose.

Lost Love Notes

When i was a teenager (a fair few years ago i know,) I recieved and wrote many lovenotes during my relationships with my very few girlfriends.
I loved getting these notes, it was better than recieving a birthday card full of money as they meant so much more to me, they were a nice suprise to find in the bottom of your shoe or coat pocket, or waking up and finding one waiting for you on your bedside cabinet. They were very personal and intimate brought us both closer together as you could write things you were scared to say.
Even if the relationship doesn't last, you will always have something to remember it by, something to look back on to remember who you were and a happier time.
For some reason teenagers when i ask them if they send lovenotes, have no idea what im talking about.
They dont write them, all they do is send short pointless text messages rather than write out whole funny gentle and meaningful personal letters which is for you and you only.
What happens to these text messages I hear you ask? They either lose the phone or embarrassed in front of thier friends that they have recieved a message full of love, they hastily delete the message without hesitation.
They just dont seem to put the effort in like me and my girlfriends did, no saucy polaroids or lipstick on letters, no familiar hangwriting that you follow lovingly with your eyes.
It's just dead cold standard text type - 'i fink ur wll sxy, nce tits'. where is the love in that?

Eroding Away

Wearing you down again,
my lighthouse, takes the strain.
In the distance many storms brew,
that light guiding me safely, is you.
Only so much you can take
you crack and fall, as the waves break.

Nothing to hold on to,
nothing to guide me.
I slip down & drown.

Best Place for a Date

The Answer is, the Supermarket.

Now, I know what your thinking, , how romantic is that, but hear me out, what does the supermarket offer you compared to say a meal? Cinema? Or whatever it is you do.
You learn so much more about them, on the trip around the supermarket what do you do?
You can see what their buying, you can study them, you can see if they are really picky over the weight of products, or whether they buy, veggie, organic, ready meals, as it shows if they can cook or not.
Or healthy eating products, they might have a problem with there weight or fuss over it, lets be honest that’s something you want to know straight away so you don’t keep putting your foot in it.
Finally to see if they are patient enough to stand in the queue, to tolerate the screaming kids about around the place.
You'll fins out a lot more about someone than you realise.

Slapped

Nearly got slapped on a night out, I asked these girls if they were out in fancy dress, - how was I suppose to know they were just ugly.

Drunk Girlfriends

Drunk girlfriends are absolute nightmares, they stagger home in a mood, then make some toast forget about it, then go to the bathroom, spend ages in there banging about, then are sick in the toilet, locked away, what can you do?. It’s the only time you say I love you, as that’s all you can do. It’s the only positive thing you can do in that situation.